February 20, 2014

Dear Flipkart,

Thank you very much for your very thoughtful question "How has your experience using Chhota Bheem been?".

Bheem been. Bheem been. Bheem been. Hee hee hee.

Sorry, got carried away a bit there.

Anyway, the experience has been simply wonderful; I can't for the life of me imagine how things would have turned out, had I used, say, Red Bird or Blue Bird, or, god forbid, Yellow Bird. I'm sure these characters have their share of hardcore supporters, but I'm a Chhota Bheemer myself, and wouldn't have it any other way.

With that out of the way, here are the ways the Chhota Bheem figurine has enriched my life:

1. He is an excellent paperweight. I would like to highlight the stellar role he played when there was a sudden gust of breeze from the open window. But for his weighty presence, all the papers below him would have been blown clean off the table.


2. He also makes a very effective blunt instrument. My last three adventures as a stalker-cum-serial-killer have been a hoot because of him. Just one firm blow, the satisfying crunch of weapon on skull, and very little blood (I can actually buy another Chotta Bheem figurine just from the money I saved on cleaning fluid, but I digress).


3. He is an excellent conversation piece. I've lost count of the number of new friends I have made since getting him -- all I have to do while walking down the street is to suddenly whip him out of my bag at random strangers and start humming the signature tune from Pogo. Instant friendship, I tell you. In fact, I acquired my last three 'special' friends this way; see also #2 above.

However, it would be remiss of me if I claim that it's been a bed of roses all the way, and I must point out ways I've felt let down by CB (hope you don't mind me calling him that).

1. He doesn't respond to commands. "Get me that book on the table" elicits only the same village-boy-in-awe-of-modern-gadgets look. Adding a "Please" doesn't work, either.


2. He doesn't seem to have an appetite at all. Going by the gusto with which he gulps down laddus before doing a number on the baddies, you'd think he'd react at least a little bit favorably when I offer him similar (if not better) laddus. Nope, same village idiot look.


3. I don't have any proof for this, but I think he's been playing naughty with my other toys. The stuffed Chutki on the top shelf has a distinct look of horror on her face -- something she definitely did not have when I stole received her as a gift from that kid on the bus. Nothing I can take to the court, but still.

But all in all, a five-stars experience. Would I recommend him to my friends? You bet. In fact, I would be surprised if you haven't already received a glut of orders for the figurine, with a special add-on request for  a handy, removable velcro grip (makes removing the bloodstains a lot easier) -- I sure have been spreading the good word among my Stalker Club buddies.

Yours,