Wednesday, March 13, 2013

March 13, 2013

Leaving aside the emotions, jingoism and nationalism on both sides, what could be a possible solution to the Italian Job controversy? Well, here's a part-pragmatic, part-diplomatic and part-mafioso proposal that our MEA boys can reach out to the Italian government with:
  1. Send the two marines back to India (no, hear us out, seriously).

  2. We will pull strings here to make sure that they will return to Italy for good, within two months. You can trust us on this -- after all, we're talking about a sovereign country here, an upstanding member of the international community that honours its commitments... oh wait, never mind. On to the next point, anyway.

  3. As escrow/guarantee, we will depute one of our respected diplomats -- maybe even the head honcho himself -- to spend the two months in Rome, all expenses paid by us, of course. He/She will return to India only when the marines make it back to Italy. Heck, the same flight can do both legs of the journey, with the personnel exchange being witnessed on the tarmac by a designated and disinterested third party. We know we're preaching to the choir, but still: if you have any clarifications, please refer to The Godfather for modalities and variations on the theme.

  4. Coming to how we will pull off #2 above, the case against the two marines is not watertight, anyway. If there's still any uncertainty, leave it to us; we have handled such things before.

  5. To sweeten the deal, and to pacify the natives, please deposit a sum of Rs 20 crores as compensation to the victims' families. The Rs 6 crore bank guarantee can be adjusted against this amount, of course.

  6. If you would like to discuss this further, or propose changes, discuss logistics, etc., please don't hesitate to either call us at our toll-free number 1-800-WE-MAKE-DEALS or email us at Thank you.