I am a firm believer in animal rights, but if I get my hands around the scruffy little neck of the rat that is at this minute hiding somewhere is the maze of wires behind my desk, I will do things to it that would instantly make me a war criminal in the International Court of Rodents' Rights.

This rat has so far cost me a nice Timex strap and a keyboard (the keyboard is one of those cheap Chinese imports, so my anger is somewhat mitigated).

Time to get a humane mousetrap...